Every day I tend to go through this ritual. MSN signs itself in whenever I turn on my computer and load Windows. And then my nickname comes up, "delxaAU - xx days and counting...." An instant reminder that it needs to be updated, ie xx = xx - 1. Today I updated xx from 55 to 54. And then suddenly it struck me like a metal ruler to the back of the head.... It only seems like yesterday I started counting from 64. The ten days had passed in the blink of an eye. Gone!! Swallowed by the constant forwards motion of time. And Time wasn't slowing down for anyone, nor to let anyone off this rollercoaster. Holy Shit!!!!
Don't get me wrong. I am terribly excited to be going. I have been looking forwards to this for such a long time. It has been the only thing I have been thinking about for such a long time. But sweet Jesus am I ready for this?? Speaking of reassuring anecdotes, a collegue from work sends her greetings from the UK where she has been for a week now. And also requests that we come and get her and take her home!! Homesick already!!! What about me?? I am going for a year!! That is 52 weeks!!!!!!!!! That is 365 days!!! (366 on a leap year) I'm sure I will like it there and I am so enthralled at the idea of living somewhere that is so different to where I live in so many different ways. Experiencing a new way of life, a new city, new people. But I have never been away from my parents for more than 14 days. I have never been out of the country (unless you count Tasmania :) ) And now I am going for a year. No wonder my mother cried when I finally bought my airline ticket.
This is going to be hardest thing that I have ever done. ANd probably the hardest thing that I will ever do. ANd I don't recall letting on to anyone that I felt like this. That I was this afraid. That I was human. The feelings that I have are excitement, and fear, and the confusion that comes with having two contrasting emotions. Maybe I just wanted everyone to be excited for me. And perhaps that was too much to expect. Becuase the same people will sad when I leave.
So what am I counting down to? Its 54 days until I jump on a plane. Its 54 days until a dream that has been in the making for years comes true. Its 54 days until my life changes forever. Its 54 days until I have to say my goodbyes to my beautiful family for one year. Its 55 days until I finally get to meet the girl of my dreams, the source of my innermost happiness, and experience the moments which will make all my worries and fear be cast away.
