Heaven for 13 Roubles

"There's only one thing better than a Krutishka...."

If God had a favourite icecream, surely it would be this one. The one and only, always imitated, never equalled Krutishka. It hides in supermarket and Produkti freezers in it's distinct round orange wrappers. And for a mere 13 roubles, (65c Australian) you can experience this little piece of heaven.

One of the best things about Russia apart from the never ending supply of cheap DVD's is the wonderful and extensive selection of cakes, sweets, biscuits, and ice creams available. Not only is there a huge selection, but nearly everything in this selection is cheap, or cheaper than say in Australia. I would have to say you guys are missing out. :) :) Sorry to rub it in. :)

"...and that's 3 Krutishka's"

It's interesting too, some things that are available here that are also available in Australia too. You can still buy Vienetta's here for slightly cheaper than you would in Australia. Also I was interested to find that you can buy Cadbury chocolate here. However it's made in a factory in St Petersburg. I would say Australian Cadbury's is perhaps a tad better. :)

Also the following things are noticeably cheaper. Cigarettes, Beer, Vodka, Chocolate, anything thats not particularly good for you.

Anyway. I'm going to go eat a Krutishka now and go to bed. I wish you all a good evening, a good morning, and good day.

Matt.

The Metro Passenger

Its a proven fact that no matter where you go in this world, Public Transport brings all the wierdos out of the woodwork. Wierd peopl catch trains. And in Moscow, a lot of wierdos catch the Metro. People who look wierd, people who dress wierd, people who act wierd, and people who are all of the aforementioned.

I had an encounter with onesuch wierd person. So I decided to write a story while she was staring at me. Here is that story. Enjoy.

"Ever feel like someone is watching you? Ever wonder why people stand when they can sit? Who is she? Where did she come from? And why is she standing next to me? Are they reading glasses or shooting glasses she’s wearing? She’s thin framed and seems to be quite energetic. Female secret agent material. She’s still watching me, I know. So why me? Am I a threat? I’m not scared. Should I be?

Her coat is of the fur variety. She could fit an Ingram Sub machinegun complete with silencer under there. But by the look of her she is more sophisticated than that. Maybe she’s a robot. She seems to act like one. Her movements are very limited and very accurate. Her hand is close to my neck. Too close. That’s the last time I sit next to a handrail.

Her attention is diverted as the train suddenly comes out of the tunnel. The outside world becomes more interesting to her and she turns to face it. Thank God for that. I glance quickly at her. She has short blonde hair but it’s impossible to tell her age. She could be a relic of the KGB or the latest in a lineup of killing machines that aren’t supposed to exist. Either way, why me? All I did was suggest that perhaps we were being lied to….."

Everyone's A Manager!!

When I first started at Lingua.Ru, I was amazed by the shear number of students that were managers. "So what is your job? " "I'm Manager." "Wow! That’s great! So many Managers here."

It was remarkable. In fact too good that it sounded too good to be true. However as I found out later, it is true. In fact, every single employee is a Manager. Technically, Everyone in Russia is a Manager. With such a top heavy Management Structure, its surprising that the whole thing stays upright. It reminded me of the Fundamentals of Management cartoons. Where two boats were in a race. One boat had one manager yelling and 8 crew paddling. And the other boat had 8 managers, all yelling at one Crew member.

But this isn’t really the case either. Eventually it dawned on me. Supposed “Sales Managers” were in fact, “Sales Assistants”. The word “Manager” is has a somewhat different meaning in Russia. Australian “Sales Managers” organize a team of Sales People. In Russia, a Sales Manager manages sales. So everyone in a retail style shop is essentially a Sales Manager, albeit the Cashiers. They are Financial Managers. They manage money from customers’ wallets and purses into the company cash registers.

Everyone in a factory is a Production Manager and essentially “manage” their individual production stations. Even the Babushkas that clean the Metro Stations are Presentation Managers. They “manage” the presentation of the station. Why, when I started at Lingua.RU, I became a Manager of Education. I “manage” the process of Education.

It must be very demoralizing for Russians to work overseas when they are no longer referred to as “Managers”. I’m sure I will be disappointed that I am unable to retain my title as Education Manager upon my return to Australia.

Paradigm of the Temporary Society

The Soviet concept of accommodation consisted of three main rules:

It needed to be built Fast.
It needed to be built Simply.
It needed to be built Cheaply.

It was a quick fix solution. Temporary until the economy was stable enough to provide a higher quality and level of accommodation solutions in the capitol of the Soviet Union and other major cities. So the solution designed by Soviet engineers was a very simple construction of apartment buildings, consisting of concrete slabs stacked on top of each other. For a temporary solution, it was quite good and kept rain and snow off peoples heads for many years. Which turned into decades, which turned into half a century. The majority of these buildings, still stand today, and still have people living in them. Elsewhere, this building would have been declared condemned and would have been torn down. In Moscow, you can rent an apartment in such a building for around $500USD a month.

The stable economy never came. And thus, the temporary solutions still stand today. Eyesores of the Moscow skyline, grey, depressing buildings of various shapes and sizes but all built on the three main rules of Soviet Accommodation.

Around a lot of outer-metro stations are shops. In fact, not just outside metro stations, but along the streets, on street corners. These are the Kiosks that Moscow has come to love. They are everywhere, and sell everything from cigarettes and beer, to telephone cards, and lingerie. I was in awe of these kiosks from day one. What was it doing on the street? Why are the built like this?? The fact of the matter is that every one of these Kiosks can be picked up, loaded on the back of a truck, and moved to somewhere else with ten minutes notice. And then another 10 minutes later, another Kiosk can be in its place. This says a lot for the climate of business in Russia. Enjoy it while it lasts. Because everyone knows its not going to.

If its one thing that the Russians have learnt from the Japanese, its that fast turnover of cars is good for the economy. After 2-3 years, it is near impossible, or simply not “Financially Viable” to re-insure a car in Japan. So Japanese manufacturers make a lot of money when the Japanese people update their cars every year. GAZ, VAZ, IZH and the rest of the Russian manufacturers took note. Unfortunately because insurance was impossible to mess with in Russia, because most people could only afford the State insurance anyway. So in order to emulate the Japanese situation to get Russians updating their Volga’s and Zhiguli’s every 3 years, the manufacturers devised a plan whereby their cars would never live to see 3 years reliable service. The build quality of Russian cars is quite sub-standard. In fact, they don’t really meet western standards. Its remarkable that the Lada Niva even made it to Australia. (Nowadays, Chevrolet makes the Niva although still in Russia) The Zhiguli has been made for over 20 years. As mentioned in a previous post, its similar to a Datsun 1600 in appearance. Its still being made today and looks exactly the same as it did in 1970’s albeit a new grill and headlight assembly. Everynight in Domodevovskaya, there is some Russian, underneath his Zhiguli with the rear axle pulled off, fixing something. Every night, without fail. There is an entire culture here of home, or should I say, “Street Mechanics.” If there wasn’t then no one would be driving around Russian Cars. The Scrap metal merchants would be very rich.

<< To be continued….. >>

Reece, Reeba, and Restaurants

The 11th of November in 1984 was a wonderful time. I don’t remember it too well at all unfortunately. According to my calculations, I was only in my 30th day of Life. So I was about 1/12th of a Year old. I didn’t know what Australia was, and I especially didn’t know what Russia was. In fact the only thing I probably knew is that crying=attention or food. Crying was probably the only thing I knew how to do at 30 days old. Come to think of it, I can’t remember exactly what age I discovered that a country called Russia existed. Thinking back, it might have been Captain Planet. Although its called the Soviet Union in that particular cartoon. It doesn’t matter. It was certainly well after 30 days old.

On Saturday the 11th of November, 1984, in the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, two proud Russian parents gave birth to another daughter, Svetlana. Over the years, the little dark-haired princess grew older. And older. And older. She turned 20 last November. This November was to be her 21st Celebration of the Anniversary of that day in 1984 where the world received another angel.

So to celebrate this anniversary, Four Russians and One Australian gathered together in one of Moscow’s best Sushi Restaurants. This is their story……

РИС и РЫБА (Pronounced “Rees ee Reiba with rolled Russian R’s) or Rice & Fish is located on the second floor of a building, in Central Moscow. With fancy views of the Moscow River and surrounding buildings, it is prime real estate. We had already made a booking, which we found was absolutely necessary as R&F was very very busy. So after informing the Manager (We will cover this term “Manager” in an upcoming Broadcast, “Being a Manager in Russia”) that we had a booking, we waited, and we waited. Past “McDonalds Waiting”, past “Russian Waiting”, and into “Soviet Union Queuing for Bread Waiting”.

Finally, a joint initiative between the “Manager” and Waitresses was able to procure a table from the seven tables that had been vacated, cleaned, and ready for service. I welcomed Sergei back to Russia. He responded with a laugh.


So we sat, ordered drinks, and then noticed that a table next to the “Sushi Train” was available. We consulted the “Manager” again. And after the second attempt, we obtained unrestricted access to Sushi. We came, we saw, we shouted, we grabbed, we ate. It was pure chaos. The plates stacked up. Sveta and I quickly devised a method of dealing with empty plates as they seemed to appear more quickly than they could be stacked. Coupled with the problem that only two people were within grabbing distance of passing sushi, and we had a very interesting and very fun evening.

I had never been to such type of Sushi Bar before. Like everything else in Moscow, the system worked at 100 miles an hour and required fast talking to work properly. For demonstrative purposes, I have included a transcript to show how this works.

Russian English
Davaj sushi! “Give me Sushi”
Kakoy "Which?”
Eta! “That one!”
Eta? “This?”
Nyet “No”
Eta? “This?”
Nyet “No”
Eta? “This?”
Da! Da!! Davaj!! Davaj!! “Yes! Yes! Give me! Give me!”

So as you can see. It is a fairly consistent system.

I ate things tonight that I wouldn’t have normally tried. And these things that I wouldn’t have normally tried, I actually enjoyed. Perhaps I am becoming more mature in my old age? Me? Mature? HAH!! But then again, think a little harder. Two points: First, this is Moscow. And Second, Stranger things have happened.
Either way, a wonderful evening was had by all who attended. Good food, good friends, good cheer. And I couldn’t help but feel a little sad when it was all over and everyone parted their separate ways. Thank you all for a sensational evening and Congratulations to my darling angel, Sveta. Happy Birthday again!!!!

Eta Prekrasniy Gorod!

Moscow is a fascinating city. Of almost indescribable beauty. And incomparable. Stalinist Architecture dominates the inner city skyline in the form of the Seven Sisters. These monolithic structures were built in the 1950’s and still stand tall today. Well Six of them stand tall. The Seventh stands only on architectural drawings. To my knowledge, it was never constructed.

Another structure that is unmistakable at night is the huge Cathedral of Christ Our Savior near Kropotkinskaya Metro Station. This structure was originally destroyed by the Soviets but eventually rebuilt again in the late 1990’s. This Cathedral is easily distinguishable by the huge gold dome atop the main structure. At each corner there are bell towers also featuring gold domes. It looks huge from kilometers away. And remarkably, it still looks huge up close. Near this Cathedral is a bridge spanning the mighty Moscow River. This typical bridge is quite spectacular in its own right. Under each arch, there is a computer controlled Multi-Colour lighting system. The lights change colour on a set program and light up the underside of the bridge. At night, it looks fantastic, and during the day, well, its switched off then.

Atop this bridge, you are completely surrounded by fantastic views and famous landmarks. Being close to the Cathedral, its no wonder that it offers a fairly good view of this structure. Look to the right, heading away from the Cathedral and you can see the Krasny Octyabr Chocolate Factory, one of the most famous chocolate factories in Russia, even during Soviet times. Look to the left, and the view of the Kremlin at night simply steals the air from your lungs. Its beautiful, its breathtaking and if you aren’t carrying your camera and tripod, you’ll be crying. I wasn’t crying. I was smiling, all the way home. As you can see for yourself, the photo’s turned out quite well.

In fact the view was so fantastic from this location, that we would visit it again the next weekend with Sveta’s friends. (Covered in Next Broadcast)

Because I’m a gentleman, I walk Miss Sorokina home each evening that we go out. One night I was walking back home. Normally there is nothing in Timiryazevskaya worth looking at (apart from Sveta J ) let alone take a picture of, so I’m normally not attentative to anything short of the absolute immediate area and people. But tonight I happened to glance to my left, and there it was, standing proudly between two apartment buildings. My God. How could I not have noticed it before now? I even knew it was there. Weeks ago, we had driven past it on the mono rail. Somehow, a 170 metre tall tower had gone completely unnoticed.

The Ostankino TV Tower is, well, very, very, very tall. In fact, it’s so tall, its usually the first building in Moscow that most people see just before they land at Sheremetyevo Airport. I fit into the “Most People” category in this case. Its tall, its well lit, and it looks, absolutely stunning. Unfortunately when I first noticed it in Timiryazevskaya, I had my camera. So I tried. And failed miserably. Without a tripod, the mission was destined for failure. Two weeks later, armed with a tripod, I came back, and remarkably, Ostankino was still standing. So I took some photos. Even from several kilometers away, the detail captured was incredible. That night, some beautiful scenes were captured. And I present them here for your viewing pleasure. Your comments please.

Matt.

Formal Apology to the Proletariat Listeners

Recently, the Director of Radio Krasnaya had an enormous guilt attack. In order to remedy this situation, he consulted some doctors of Blogological Science. Reportedly, the problems stemmed for the director’s posting habits. The main causes were that the blogs were simply too long, and as a result, time was rarely allocated to make further posts. The previous sizable posts took hours to compile. Due to the operating environment of Radio Krasnaya being in the country of Russia, it was naturally near impossible to allocate such a large amount of time to one task.

One of the specialists also mentioned that part of the reason why the Director was suffering, is because the Proles too were suffering. Without information, they were loosing faith in Radio Krasnaya and thus, were changing their own “listening” habits. Therefore, it was only natural that a new system be developed, whereby, the following issues would be addressed:

· Shorter Broadcasts would mean an increase in Broadcasts on Radio Krasnaya.
· Higher frequency of Broadcasts would mean Broadcasts are Up-To-Date.
· Higher Quantity of Broadcasts would offer greater opportunities for Proletariat comments to be added.

This new Broadcast Guidelines take effect immediately. The Director of Radio Krasnaya would to formally apologize to the loyal listeners who anxiously await each new broadcast with eager and sometimes unequivocal anticipation.

“There is no excuse we can give to justify out betrayal. There is only our loyal promise that events of this type will no longer eventuate or perpetuate within our organization. With this, we hope that the loyal listeners will have renewed faith, and the listeners who have since left will eventually return…”

The State says: “Without the Proles, there would be nothing left to control.”
Radio Krasnaya says: “Without the Proles, there would be no one left to save from the State.”